Marriage is meant to be a partnership, a union where both parties share their equal amount of burdens. But what if one party decides to stop pulling their weight? What if you feel like you're doing the entire load while your husband sits on the couch, watching the years go by?
I've been married 14 years, with my husband for 22. We have two lovely children, a house, and professional lives, but the equilibrium in our marriage has been out of balance for years. I work diligently, bring home more, take care of myself, and provide stability for our family. He just seems happy to exist—having life happen to him rather than taking charge. He sleeps all day, shirks responsibility, and brushes aside the things that keep our household going. It's tiring. It's infuriating. It doesn't seem fair.
The Importance of Selecting a Responsible Partner
If I could turn back the clock and whisper one thing to my younger self, it would be this: Marry a man who demonstrates drive, discipline, and willingness to contribute—not only financially but emotionally and physically, as well. A sense of humor and easygoing nature can be appealing, but with time, they don't substitute for responsibility.
Your husband should be your partner, not another kid to care for. Marriage is not all about love; it's about partnership. If you select someone who's short on ambition, discipline, or drive, you'll be doing all the work yourself—and resentment will be sure to follow.
When It's Too Early to Give Up
That being said, frustration can make us see only the negatives. When we feel unheard, unseen, and unsupported, the thought of walking away seems like the only escape. But is it?
For others, divorce just isn't in the cards—because of money, kids, or emotional connections. And even if it were, fleeing an unhappy marriage doesn't always solve the issue. It's not about escaping; it's about ensuring you don't find yourself in the same place once more.
Rather than dwelling on escape, ask yourself:
What can change? (Even minor adjustments can be beneficial.)
What have I been allowing? (Am I letting him continue his behavior without letting him get away with it?)
What boundaries can I establish? (Can I refuse to do things for him that he needs to do himself?)
Steps to Change the Balance
Establish clear expectations. Let him know that his laziness is impacting your marriage. Not through nagging, but through open, quiet communication.
Stop enabling him. If he doesn't want to clean, cook, or contribute, let him suffer the consequences of his own doing.
Take care of yourself. If he doesn't care about his health, don't let that stop you from taking care of yours. Keep eating well and exercising.
Look for small victories. If significant change isn't feasible, find smaller places where balance can be regained.
Marriage is difficult. And we get cheated sometimes, as if we have married the wrong guy. But do not quit without trying every single means to level the playing field. Perhaps he will not change overnight, but if you change your strategy, you may notice little things that make it a bit easier to stay.
Because while selecting the right husband is crucial, learning how to get the best out of the one you have is equally important.
Also watch this:
Comments
Post a Comment