I had always imagined that working hard, respecting people, and being neutral would keep me out of any workplace drama. But I was wrong. As a rule of thumb, when it comes to being treated like rubbish, whether you keep your head high or let it down, someone will want to take the crown.
I couldn't help but ask myself what I must have done wrong. Was it my reserve? I must have been too effective? Too of a people person? Had I put them in some sort of danger through my presence? But then something clicked: it was none of it about me; it was about them.
The miserable co-worker, the boss who micromanages, the office bully: all these are just individuals who externalize their own sadness and misery onto others. When they belittle you, talk behind your back, or make a troublesome workday for you, it is only a manifestation of their vulnerability and disillusionment. They carry a weight of misery to unload, and if you just so happen to be in the vicinity, very sadly, you are it.
Projection at Work
Projection at work is when individuals miserable in their work or personal lives attack others. They might feel trapped, unvalued, or simply resentful; these are the very opposites of their own worlds. In some way or another, they attack others around them, particularly those who refuse to go down to their level.
I've lived it myself. From gossip to snarky comments to passive-aggressive emails, it's just exhausting. Although these experiences almost derailed me, I learned one thing: what they do is completely on them.
What Makes It Worse
The worst thing about sweeping undertones at work is that the polarity causes you to totter on your own footing. You start questioning yourself, wondering if you would become easier if you changed your personality. Should you get tougher? Should you become unhelpful? Should you lash back instead?
Well, the reality of the matter is that whatever you do, this whole group of people will likely perceive the worst in you. You may be the most hard-working, assisting, and talented employee who is well aware of his/her job, but still they will have unpleasant things to say about you.
And some are deeper than simple name-calling. There would be big shots who would be out to destroy you from there on out, dog you every step of the way, put a roadblock to your endeavors, appropriate your accolades, or even attempt and succeed and finally push you out. It stinks, it is unfair, but it exists.
Steps You Can Take to Rise Above the Office Negativity
What to do when trapped in this type of vicious cycle? Some things I learned along the way:
1. Feel good about yourself. Their negativity is a reflection of their problems; therefore it's never about you.
2. Steady yourself. Don't let their toxicity alter your character; remain a professional and a good person.
3. Make your own rules. Don't let toxic people have too much control over your time. Don't play their merry-go-round drama game.
4. Turn this to knock down! Whenever anything gets more out of hand, write down each episode or incident that might come in handy for your protection.
5. Get some help. Discuss your experience with a trusted mentor, HR department contact, or colleague. Don't do this alone.
6. Know some will try to find merit in your every action.
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